#HeForShe

Insegnamo il valore della dignità alle bambine e del rispetto ai bambini.

È necessario anche il contrario, ma facciamo attenzione che non si trasformi in sottomissione nelle donne e arroganza negli uomini, situazioni invisibili che  troppo spesso si rivelano tragicamente.

Memories…to forget

Welcome back!

Lately I find myself more and more involved with people who keep thinking about the good old days. Whether they talk about music, family memories, travel, objects, it always seems that the present will never have a chance to match the magic and perfection of the past. Poor present… we often forget that it is the only time in our lives where we can intentionally act to improve things.

I hate memories with no purpose. Memories of this kind only lead to nostalgia and melancholy.

I dare even to say that I would erase them if I could. I know very well that every experience makes me what I am today and if I erased some memories I would be like a puzzle with missing pieces. I would become, if this is possible, even more incomprehensible to me.

In spite of my ideas about it, I find myself identifying in the past: I am the person who has suffered this loss, I am the person who has had this accident, I am the person who has been dismissed …

Do you notice something? The bitterest memories are tied to negative situations. I have read somewhere that at least five positive experiences are necessary to psychologically balance one negative experience. I think this is not entirely true either. Maybe in the present, but not for distant memories.

For example, being treated in a rude and unfriendly way in a store is not a good experience and, whether you react or you remain speechless, it is difficult to get rid immediately of what happened. However, if during the day you receive five manifestations of kindness or affection in other situations, the memory of how you have been treated in the store could disappear. Maybe it could be even useful in order to choose whether to go back or not.

It is very different when the memory is linked to a past trauma. In these cases so many factors come into play (sights, smells, sensations) and it is hard to find a good solution for everyone.

I found great help in a technique called EFT Tapping. You can find my articles here:

https://stillrocking.wordpress.com/2015/11/03/this-makes-me-feel-good/
https://stillrocking.wordpress.com/2015/11/23/well-being-tai-chi-and-eft/
https://stillrocking.wordpress.com/2015/11/24/well-being-tai-chi-e-eft-part-2/

If you are interested in experiencing EFT, have a look at the link below regarding the 8th Tapping World Summit, starting on Monday, February 22. This is a totally free series of lectures and guided practices for those who want to get closer to this technique.

http://www.thetappingsolution.com/2016VideoSeries/

But there are also memories of beautiful experiences that make us happy in difficult times and that encourage us in creating others.

These are the memories to look back to from time to time, with the knowledge that even with small gestures of everyday life, we can help build the good memories of tomorrow.

These are not rhetorical words I assure you. Even in the darkest moments of my life, I have always tried to find a little light in every gesture, made or received, and if I could not find it, I would simply go on.

Life after all is the relationship with ourselves and every relationship requires love, commitment and patience. If we are willing to do this for the people we love, we must do the same with ourselves.

Take care of the person you are and choose the memories you want to keep with you. For everything else look for the right way to get rid of it.

Some experiences will stay with you forever, but you have the right to ensure that they do not hurt your soul every time you remember them.

 

I ricordi… da dimenticare

Ben ritrovate!

Ultimamente mi ritrovo sempre più spesso ad avere a che fare con persone che pensano ai buoni vecchi tempi. Che si tratti di musica, ricordi familiari, viaggi, oggetti, sembra che il presente non avrà mai la possibilità di eguagliare la magia e la perfezione del passato.

Povero presente… l’unico momento della nostra vita in cui possiamo agire con intenzione per migliorare le cose.

Io odio i ricordi fini a sé stessi. I ricordi di questo tipo portano solo a nostalgia, se non malinconia.

Mi azzarderei addirittura a dire che non servono proprio a niente e se potessi li cancellerei. In realtà so benissimo che ogni esperienza fa di me quello che sono oggi e se cancellassi alcuni ricordi sarei come un puzzle senza alcuni tasselli, quindi, come se non lo fossi già abbastanza, ancora più incomprensibile per me stessa.

Mi ritrovo anch’io, nonostante le mie idee a riguardo, ad identificarmi nel passato: io sono la persona che ha subito questa perdita, io sono la persona che ha avuto questo incidente, io sono la persona che è stata licenziata…

Notate qualcosa? I ricordi più accaniti sono legati a situazioni negative. Si dice che per compensare psicologicamente un’esperienza negativa siano necessarie almeno cinque esperienze positive. Secondo me non è del tutto vero neanche questo. Forse nell’immediato, ma non per ricordi lontani.

Per esempio essere trattata in modo maleducato e scortese in un negozio non è una bella esperienza e, sia che rispondiate per le rime o rimaniate senza parole, è difficile liberarsi subito dell’accaduto. Tuttavia, se nel corso della stessa giornata, ricevete cinque manifestazioni di gentilezza o affetto in altre situazioni, ecco che il ricordo del trattamento ricevuto nel negozio potrebbe svanire. Anzi, magari potrebbe rivelarsi utile per scegliere se andarci di nuovo o no.

E’ molto diverso quando il ricordo è legato ad un trauma del passato. In questi casi entrano in gioco talmente tanti fattori (luoghi, odori, sensazioni) che è difficile trovare una soluzione valida per tutti.

Io ho trovato un grandissimo aiuto in una tecnica che si chiama EFT Tapping. Ne avevo già parlato: https://stillrocking.wordpress.com/2015/11/03/questa-cosa-mi-fa-star-bene/
https://stillrocking.wordpress.com/2015/11/19/benessere-tai-chi-e-eft/
https://stillrocking.wordpress.com/2015/11/24/benessere-tai-chi-e-eft-parte-2/

A questo proposito vi informo che lunedì 22 febbraio inizierà il Tapping World Summit. Si tratta di una serie totalmente gratuita di conferenze e pratiche guidate molto interessante per chi vuole avvicinarsi ed approfondire questa tecnica.

Cliccate sul seguente link e troverete tutte le informazioni che volete

http://www.thetappingsolution.com/2016VideoSeries/

Esistono però anche i ricordi legati a bellissime esperienze che ci rendono allegre nei momenti difficili e che costituiscono lo stimolo per crearne altri. E’ a questi ricordi che a volte è giusto rivolgere la mente, con la consapevolezza che ogni giorno, anche nei piccolissimi gesti del quotidiano, possiamo contribuire a costruire i bei ricordi di domani.

Non sono parole retoriche ve lo assicuro.

Anche nei momenti più bui della mia vita, ho sempre cercato una piccola luce in ogni gesto fatto o ricevuto o se non la trovavo, passavo oltre.

La vita alla fin fine è la relazione con noi stesse e ogni relazione richiede amore, impegno e pazienza. Se siamo disposte a far questo per le persone che amiamo, dobbiamo fare lo stesso con noi stesse.

Abbiate cura delle persone che siete e scegliete i ricordi che volete tenere con voi. Per tutto il resto cercate il modo giusto per liberarvene.

Alcune esperienze resteranno per sempre con voi, ma avete il diritto di far sì che non vi mordano l’anima ogni volta che vi vengono a trovare.

Grandma Josephine’s sweet treats i.e. my opinion about cooking sites

To risk or not to risk? To provoke or not to provoke? This is the dilemma I had this morning wondering if I really want to express what I think of most of the sites and blogs that talk about food.

It is true that nowadays culinary arts are extremely popular. There is a flood of tv-competitions, stars of the kitchen, programs and sites of recipes, food-bloggers, gurus of healthy diets and appealing formats to sell advertising spaces (please explain why I should give a damn about mini-Spanish or Australian chefs, since I don’t even care for Italian ones?), the media are very focused on this trend which obviously makes money.

I’m pleased for the fans. This is a bit too much for my taste, but I can choose not to watch them, right?

When I need a recipe I am the first to go online and in this kind of situations I appreciate the immediate and useful availability of the network very much. But for the rest of the culinary circus I do not care at all.

However I cannot help thinking about the side dish of conditioning this trend brings with it, especially for women. It subtly plays to force them back into a maternal role of comfort food giver that gets on my nerves.

Have you ever noticed the names of these sites? Most are gooey, playing the emotional card, focusing on a family relationship that brings you back to the good old days when grandma or auntie, rosy cheeks and a happy smile on her face, would get up at 5 am to prepare delicious meals for the whole family, that would reward her later with compliments and leaving the plates with no traces of food left.

Aunt Mary’s little recipes…

Grandma Carol’s good ol’ cooking …

Mom Jane’s heavenly sweets …

Gimme a break!

In addition most of these sites make extensive use of copy-pasting from other sites with plenty of pop-ups and advertising. Sometimes I cannot even find the recipe!

And what about the introductory speech on the main ingredient or the origins of the recipe, often taken verbatim from Wikipedia? I’m not interested! Just give me the recipe! We know what we are talking about, right? More words, more advertising space…

There are people who still give more value to the woman who can cook, who loves to cook, as if food was the only way to show mother love for others and by this I do not mean only for the family.

I do not know why, but when a man knows how to cook, he’s cool. It does not matter that most of the time this is just another way to feed his ego. He is cool.

I never heard a man say “I prepare lunch and dinner for my children every day and I am fed up”.
Nooooo! They invite you to their places, telling you they’re going to cook a risotto, a fondue bourguignonne, but in a week time after you have given them your precious dessert, you can forget about these chefs’ homemade meals.

Unless they are convinced to be the best cook they know. In this case you will have to taste everything they cook and proceed very carefully in giving your opinion about it.

Anyway … sorry, I lost my track insulting all the Gordon Ramsay wannabes, but what I really want to draw your attention to, my friends, is that you do not need to be masterchefs to be smart women.

But for those of you who relate to this: “The kitchen is my kingdom”, I have a suggestion: ask yourself how much you love to cook or how much you need praise and rewards. If cooking for you is a creative process that gives you satisfaction anyway, so be it, but if you feel bad when you do not hear the magic words “mmmmm, delicious, you have to give me the recipe, you’re the queen of the kitchen!”, ask yourself why.

Guess what now? I want to give you some food tips too: do not mess with complicated recipes. To stay healthy and to appreciate the true taste of foods, simplicity is the best way, at least for everyday meals. Vary, buy basic food, no precooked junk food, do not forget the legumes and experiment with new combinations. Create your own diet that makes you feel good, that is comfortable and that is not too expensive.

And if once in a while you binge, enjoy it! The important thing is that this does not happen on a regular basis, because you will be the only one to lose out.