Negative emotions do not exist

Just like positive emotions.

Welcome back! Today I want to talk about emotions.

In Chinese philosophy, too intense emotions are frowned upon, because they undermine our energy. In fact, Chinese people are not famous to express their emotions. Once I even heard a teacher define a Chinese lady like “a mother who could not express her love”.

Well, I think that everyone has her/his own way of expressing emotions.

Those who do not seem able to do it, maybe are simply afraid of it. And it is the same fear that leads us to make a distinction between positive and negative emotions, in an attempt to hold off the latter.

Too bad that the emotions, the thoughts, the feelings that make us most afraid and that we try to avoid are those we label as “negative”. They hide inside of us to evolve without our knowledge in all kinds of discomfort and malaise (feeling of inadequacy, dissatisfaction, depression, phobias, illnesses).

But do we really want to allow our emotions to do this to us, instead of looking at them straight in the face for fear of being afraid?

Repressed emotions are the brake of life. They are totally useless. And looking at this from a certain point of view the emotions we label as “positive” are unnecessary too, if they become an emotional shelter and a touchstone for every experience that we live.

Let me give an example for both cases.

If you think of a painful episode of your life, all the sadness, the despair of that moment surfaces and you just want not to think about it. If you can’t, you even start believing that you will never get rid of all that pain. Do you know why you feel so? Because, out of fear, you have repressed the pain linked to that experience in the moment when you were living it, because you were afraid to go out of your mind, because you did not want other people to worry about you, because you thought that maybe you would be able to return to normality more quickly …
Everyone can add her “because”, but that’s just the way it is.

And the only thing that such an experience can teach us is that when we get bad news, when we suffer a loss, when a misfortune strikes us, we have no duty other than suffer and feel all those overwhelming emotions  deeply, deep down to the core, until we are done with them, because only in this way we will come out free.

But what happens when we receive fantastic news, we get something we have wanted for so long, we fall crazy in love? We take the emotion of that moment and store it in the “perfect moments” department and from then on nothing will be just as good if it does not give us the same chills.

Memories, emotions … how much luggage we carry on this trip!

It is necessary to lighten it, sometimes essential.

From now on try to enjoy the moments and emotions exactly when they happen. If it’s something beautiful be grateful for it, otherwise do not ignore it and consider whether it can teach you something.

In both cases, however, let go of the emotions, feel light and make space. Only in this way life can welcome the new.

Try it, really!

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The only piece of advice I really treasure

Some time ago, inspired by all the lists of tips and suggestions for the new year resolutions I read and heard everywhere, I created my own half-serious suggestions list.

Do you remember?

I do not reject those pearls of wisdom, but I think that they are not as inspiring as I wished.

Today I stumbled upon a Mark Twain’s quotation I already knew, but that struck me as if I read it for the first time:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

It’s a fact that every century has its dreamers, inventors, visionaries. Depending on the time, they are and were treated in every possible way, from torture, derision, to awe, to suppression. But they all had something in common: the ability to go beyond the surface, to dare, to dream.

When Steve Jobs spoke the famous words, “Stay hungry, stay foolish!” he managed to sum up the unique philosophy of life that makes sense for me in a very short sentence.

The hunger for life accompanied by a certain amount of recklessness is not madness, it is the engine that should drive us to appreciate this journey, enjoying every opportunity, no matter who we are, where we live, how much money we have. What is appreciated by someone can be totally indifferent to another one.

Here is my list of what I have “explored” in recent years and that has enriched my life:

  •  create my own blog
  •  sing in a group
  •  practice Tai-chi
  •  practice Krav-maga
  •  discover the free online resources about meditation, energy techniques, motivational courses
  •  publish a household satirical magazine
  •  find resources that have inspired me to take care of my family and my home with no help
  • free myself from “reversed bias” (explanation follows) and learn to enjoy activities that I lived as a duty until a few years ago
  •  not being scared by washing machine and dishwasher breakdowns – yes, that’s right: as long as I can manage on my own, I will do it, screwdriver and clamp in my hand
  •  learn to say NO
  •  learn to let go of friendships that are fading
  • make room for new people, new ideas, new inspirations

None of this is making me rich (at least not yet …), less tired or perfect, but certainly eager to see what awaits me every morning.

And the great thing is that, the more I walk on this road, the longer becomes the trail of influences, imposed thoughts, unnecessary hesitation that I leave behind.

Even the “reversed bias” I mentioned before are terrible. Because of them we refuse “a priori” certain experiences, because we rebelled against them.

Take for example cooking. You already know what I think about it:

But when I try (“explore”) some new recipe, I like it! Just as I like it when the outcome of one of my pieces de resistance is confirmed for the umpteenth time.

Until some time ago I hated to cook, because as a girl I was surrounded by people who gave too much value to this ability. And I thought, “You bet your @$$ you will never see me sweating in the kitchen in this way.”

Life then took me to a certain point where I had to cook twice a day, lunch and dinner, every single day. For me it was a nightmare.

But one day, just for fun, I tried some cake recipes and it felt good. From then on I started experimenting and at some point I realized that after all cooking was not that bad and I could not believe that I had regarded it in this way for my whole life.

Cooking was not tiring, holding on to an idea that no longer belonged to me was.

Have I made you smile with this new article? I hope so, but I also hope that I’ve been able to make you feel the intensity I live everyday life with. This does not preserve me from living dark moments, but it gives me an awareness of the great light we can enjoy every day.

Have a nice weekend!

Memories…to forget

Welcome back!

Lately I find myself more and more involved with people who keep thinking about the good old days. Whether they talk about music, family memories, travel, objects, it always seems that the present will never have a chance to match the magic and perfection of the past. Poor present… we often forget that it is the only time in our lives where we can intentionally act to improve things.

I hate memories with no purpose. Memories of this kind only lead to nostalgia and melancholy.

I dare even to say that I would erase them if I could. I know very well that every experience makes me what I am today and if I erased some memories I would be like a puzzle with missing pieces. I would become, if this is possible, even more incomprehensible to me.

In spite of my ideas about it, I find myself identifying in the past: I am the person who has suffered this loss, I am the person who has had this accident, I am the person who has been dismissed …

Do you notice something? The bitterest memories are tied to negative situations. I have read somewhere that at least five positive experiences are necessary to psychologically balance one negative experience. I think this is not entirely true either. Maybe in the present, but not for distant memories.

For example, being treated in a rude and unfriendly way in a store is not a good experience and, whether you react or you remain speechless, it is difficult to get rid immediately of what happened. However, if during the day you receive five manifestations of kindness or affection in other situations, the memory of how you have been treated in the store could disappear. Maybe it could be even useful in order to choose whether to go back or not.

It is very different when the memory is linked to a past trauma. In these cases so many factors come into play (sights, smells, sensations) and it is hard to find a good solution for everyone.

I found great help in a technique called EFT Tapping. You can find my articles here:

If you are interested in experiencing EFT, have a look at the link below regarding the 8th Tapping World Summit, starting on Monday, February 22. This is a totally free series of lectures and guided practices for those who want to get closer to this technique.

But there are also memories of beautiful experiences that make us happy in difficult times and that encourage us in creating others.

These are the memories to look back to from time to time, with the knowledge that even with small gestures of everyday life, we can help build the good memories of tomorrow.

These are not rhetorical words I assure you. Even in the darkest moments of my life, I have always tried to find a little light in every gesture, made or received, and if I could not find it, I would simply go on.

Life after all is the relationship with ourselves and every relationship requires love, commitment and patience. If we are willing to do this for the people we love, we must do the same with ourselves.

Take care of the person you are and choose the memories you want to keep with you. For everything else look for the right way to get rid of it.

Some experiences will stay with you forever, but you have the right to ensure that they do not hurt your soul every time you remember them.