Negative emotions do not exist

Just like positive emotions.

Welcome back! Today I want to talk about emotions.

In Chinese philosophy, too intense emotions are frowned upon, because they undermine our energy. In fact, Chinese people are not famous to express their emotions. Once I even heard a teacher define a Chinese lady like “a mother who could not express her love”.

Well, I think that everyone has her/his own way of expressing emotions.

Those who do not seem able to do it, maybe are simply afraid of it. And it is the same fear that leads us to make a distinction between positive and negative emotions, in an attempt to hold off the latter.

Too bad that the emotions, the thoughts, the feelings that make us most afraid and that we try to avoid are those we label as “negative”. They hide inside of us to evolve without our knowledge in all kinds of discomfort and malaise (feeling of inadequacy, dissatisfaction, depression, phobias, illnesses).

But do we really want to allow our emotions to do this to us, instead of looking at them straight in the face for fear of being afraid?

Repressed emotions are the brake of life. They are totally useless. And looking at this from a certain point of view the emotions we label as “positive” are unnecessary too, if they become an emotional shelter and a touchstone for every experience that we live.

Let me give an example for both cases.

If you think of a painful episode of your life, all the sadness, the despair of that moment surfaces and you just want not to think about it. If you can’t, you even start believing that you will never get rid of all that pain. Do you know why you feel so? Because, out of fear, you have repressed the pain linked to that experience in the moment when you were living it, because you were afraid to go out of your mind, because you did not want other people to worry about you, because you thought that maybe you would be able to return to normality more quickly …
Everyone can add her “because”, but that’s just the way it is.

And the only thing that such an experience can teach us is that when we get bad news, when we suffer a loss, when a misfortune strikes us, we have no duty other than suffer and feel all those overwhelming emotions  deeply, deep down to the core, until we are done with them, because only in this way we will come out free.

But what happens when we receive fantastic news, we get something we have wanted for so long, we fall crazy in love? We take the emotion of that moment and store it in the “perfect moments” department and from then on nothing will be just as good if it does not give us the same chills.

Memories, emotions … how much luggage we carry on this trip!

It is necessary to lighten it, sometimes essential.

From now on try to enjoy the moments and emotions exactly when they happen. If it’s something beautiful be grateful for it, otherwise do not ignore it and consider whether it can teach you something.

In both cases, however, let go of the emotions, feel light and make space. Only in this way life can welcome the new.

Try it, really!

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Life is unfair

This won’t be the usual article you are used to reading in my blog. I won’t talk about the season, about gratitude and joy to the world.

This is an article about sadness, loss and grief, because life is unfair.

People die while we are doing the countdown to Christmas day and we are busy decorating our homes, buying gifts for our beloved ones and celebrating with friends and family.

Fathers die on Father’s day, mothers on mother’s day, husbands, wives, sons, daughters and there is nothing we can do for those who experience these losses.

We can only let them grieve trying to be an invisible presence, in order not to let them feel alone.

There is a lot of talking about how everything happens for a purpose.

I was at a funeral this morning and I could not think of a purpose in the death of a friend’s wife leaving two young children.

All I could think was: how is he going to manage this?

After the funeral, outside the church everybody surrounded him trying to let him feel love and support.

I’ve been there and I know the worst is yet to come.
In a few days, everybody will go back to their lives.

Nothing will ever be the same, but the time will come when sadness will stop being a part of everyday life.

There is nothing anyone of us can do to change this.

But there is something we can change. I thought all day long about how much time we waste worrying about stupid things, holding grudges and forgetting about the only important purpose in life: loving and being loved.

I’ve read somewhere that Gandhi once said “Be the change you want to see in the world”. The change I want to see in the world is that only old people die, after a life full of love and joy, but, being this impossible, I want to try to be a joyful presence in the life of those I love and care about.

I do not know if I will succeed, but I can try.