Negative emotions do not exist

Just like positive emotions.

Welcome back! Today I want to talk about emotions.

In Chinese philosophy, too intense emotions are frowned upon, because they undermine our energy. In fact, Chinese people are not famous to express their emotions. Once I even heard a teacher define a Chinese lady like “a mother who could not express her love”.

Well, I think that everyone has her/his own way of expressing emotions.

Those who do not seem able to do it, maybe are simply afraid of it. And it is the same fear that leads us to make a distinction between positive and negative emotions, in an attempt to hold off the latter.

Too bad that the emotions, the thoughts, the feelings that make us most afraid and that we try to avoid are those we label as “negative”. They hide inside of us to evolve without our knowledge in all kinds of discomfort and malaise (feeling of inadequacy, dissatisfaction, depression, phobias, illnesses).

But do we really want to allow our emotions to do this to us, instead of looking at them straight in the face for fear of being afraid?

Repressed emotions are the brake of life. They are totally useless. And looking at this from a certain point of view the emotions we label as “positive” are unnecessary too, if they become an emotional shelter and a touchstone for every experience that we live.

Let me give an example for both cases.

If you think of a painful episode of your life, all the sadness, the despair of that moment surfaces and you just want not to think about it. If you can’t, you even start believing that you will never get rid of all that pain. Do you know why you feel so? Because, out of fear, you have repressed the pain linked to that experience in the moment when you were living it, because you were afraid to go out of your mind, because you did not want other people to worry about you, because you thought that maybe you would be able to return to normality more quickly …
Everyone can add her “because”, but that’s just the way it is.

And the only thing that such an experience can teach us is that when we get bad news, when we suffer a loss, when a misfortune strikes us, we have no duty other than suffer and feel all those overwhelming emotions  deeply, deep down to the core, until we are done with them, because only in this way we will come out free.

But what happens when we receive fantastic news, we get something we have wanted for so long, we fall crazy in love? We take the emotion of that moment and store it in the “perfect moments” department and from then on nothing will be just as good if it does not give us the same chills.

Memories, emotions … how much luggage we carry on this trip!

It is necessary to lighten it, sometimes essential.

From now on try to enjoy the moments and emotions exactly when they happen. If it’s something beautiful be grateful for it, otherwise do not ignore it and consider whether it can teach you something.

In both cases, however, let go of the emotions, feel light and make space. Only in this way life can welcome the new.

Try it, really!


Get powerful notions, tools, tips to express yourself and be the person you want to be!

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This is where I get inspired!

The only piece of advice I really treasure

Some time ago, inspired by all the lists of tips and suggestions for the new year resolutions I read and heard everywhere, I created my own half-serious suggestions list.

Do you remember?

https://stillrocking.wordpress.com/2016/01/13/good-advice/

https://stillrocking.wordpress.com/2016/01/17/insomnia-and-creativity/

I do not reject those pearls of wisdom, but I think that they are not as inspiring as I wished.

Today I stumbled upon a Mark Twain’s quotation I already knew, but that struck me as if I read it for the first time:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

It’s a fact that every century has its dreamers, inventors, visionaries. Depending on the time, they are and were treated in every possible way, from torture, derision, to awe, to suppression. But they all had something in common: the ability to go beyond the surface, to dare, to dream.

When Steve Jobs spoke the famous words, “Stay hungry, stay foolish!” he managed to sum up the unique philosophy of life that makes sense for me in a very short sentence.

The hunger for life accompanied by a certain amount of recklessness is not madness, it is the engine that should drive us to appreciate this journey, enjoying every opportunity, no matter who we are, where we live, how much money we have. What is appreciated by someone can be totally indifferent to another one.

Here is my list of what I have “explored” in recent years and that has enriched my life:

  •  create my own blog
  •  sing in a group
  •  practice Tai-chi
  •  practice Krav-maga
  •  discover the free online resources about meditation, energy techniques, motivational courses
  •  publish a household satirical magazine
  •  find resources that have inspired me to take care of my family and my home with no help
  • free myself from “reversed bias” (explanation follows) and learn to enjoy activities that I lived as a duty until a few years ago
  •  not being scared by washing machine and dishwasher breakdowns – yes, that’s right: as long as I can manage on my own, I will do it, screwdriver and clamp in my hand
  •  learn to say NO
  •  learn to let go of friendships that are fading
  • make room for new people, new ideas, new inspirations

None of this is making me rich (at least not yet …), less tired or perfect, but certainly eager to see what awaits me every morning.

And the great thing is that, the more I walk on this road, the longer becomes the trail of influences, imposed thoughts, unnecessary hesitation that I leave behind.

Even the “reversed bias” I mentioned before are terrible. Because of them we refuse “a priori” certain experiences, because we rebelled against them.

Take for example cooking. You already know what I think about it:

https://stillrocking.wordpress.com/2016/02/03/grandma-josephines-sweet-treats-i-e-my-opinion-about-cooking-sites/

But when I try (“explore”) some new recipe, I like it! Just as I like it when the outcome of one of my pieces de resistance is confirmed for the umpteenth time.

Until some time ago I hated to cook, because as a girl I was surrounded by people who gave too much value to this ability. And I thought, “You bet your @$$ you will never see me sweating in the kitchen in this way.”

Life then took me to a certain point where I had to cook twice a day, lunch and dinner, every single day. For me it was a nightmare.

But one day, just for fun, I tried some cake recipes and it felt good. From then on I started experimenting and at some point I realized that after all cooking was not that bad and I could not believe that I had regarded it in this way for my whole life.

Cooking was not tiring, holding on to an idea that no longer belonged to me was.

Have I made you smile with this new article? I hope so, but I also hope that I’ve been able to make you feel the intensity I live everyday life with. This does not preserve me from living dark moments, but it gives me an awareness of the great light we can enjoy every day.

Have a nice weekend!

The club of women’s self-consciousness and well-being

For a long time I wanted to find a meeting place for women to discuss and share experiences. In a feminist fit a few years ago, I even baptized it “The club of women’s self-consciousness”. Too bad, I had no place I could put this sign up.

Men are fantastic, male friends useful, but when the right harmony among women happens is a priceless feeling.

Today I spent a wonderful afternoon with a new friend walking in the woods and talking about issues that I am passionate about: relationships with people, how to think freely, how to expand my horizons … do not worry, I did not see any rainbow unicorn.

However this is me, this is the dimension I love to move in. In a few days, I will go back to the city, where I miss these geographical and mental spaces, but that is fine.

I spent many years thinking that “after all everything was fine”, but it was not the same feeling I have now.

There was often that feeling of discomfort in the pit of my stomach … I tried a bit of everything to figure out what it was: check-ups, exercise, reading, relaxing, therapy, but the results were poor or short-term.

When I decided to find solutions where I was not just “the client”, but also an active part, the situation changed.

After three years of courses I got a diploma in Naturopathy, followed by certificates in Kinesiology and Ayurvedic touch. At the same time, I studied traditional Chinese medicine, Mudra, Eft tapping and I experienced all these techniques on myself.

There is so much rubbish in this field, but also many valuable techniques that can really help deal with various issues, to break up false beliefs, to relax, to support ourselves, in other words to be the leading person of our well-being.

Think about it: for example, massages are wonderful (and I get as many as I can too!), but they are an outside source of well-being. If the activation of an improvement process of our psychological and physical state can start from a few small daily actions made by us isn’t it better?

I taught women like us self-massage techniques that became an affirmation of their value and I saw mothers of children labeled as “difficult” emerge from meetings with the teachers with a happy face after only a few weeks of sessions …

No, I will not say that “I’ve seen things you people would not believe”.
Yet I believe that halfway between the doctor and the psychologist, there is a way to feel good.

The next time you happen to feel something, a discomfort, that is not really an illness, but almost, try to listen and give a chance to this approach. If you want, I am here. You can write a private message on the Facebook page of Linda Jett and I will be happy to help.

Take care of yourself; no one else in the world will ever be so close to you!

I think I forgot something…

Welcome back everybody!

I am so into all the issues we have faced so far, that I have just realized that I did not say anything about the name of my site.

Why “Stillrocking”? For me “rocking” means going ahead, wanting to do new things, not missing a beat, not losing the desire to make my voice heard.

I have come so far and sometimes it was hard, but I am so pleased. I planned and implemented projects and dreams of which I am proud, because to do so I challenged myself and all the bias and prejudices I received and that in part I had created myself.

There is a verb I like very much: break up.

Being able to break up false beliefs, prejudices, influences that have piled up for centuries in the world of women is my ambition and I am sure many of you feel my own restlessness, my own desire for freedom.

There are many women who do not want to be comfortable, but do not know how to channel all the energy they feel and are often frustrated because they do not feel understood.

I tried to find my way without knowing where to start and I finally realized that I just had to be me, the real me.

Do not feel selfish taking this road, indeed this is a brave and generous attitude. What is good about being kind and helpful to others if we do not know what drives us to do it, because we do not know ourselves? And if we cannot see the reality of things, but only false visions dictated by notions that have been imposed, how do we get to know ourselves?

I invite you to read the myth of Plato’s cave. Then, we can talk about it.

See you next time!

Well-being: Tai-chi and EFT – part 2

During my acitvity in the field of natural remedies and techniques, I often get in touch with people asking me for magical solutions for any kind of problems.
Unfortunately, many people disguise themselves as healers for every ailment, be it physical or psychological.

I am not one of these. Every time I learn about a new technique, I am very cautious.

I do not eat frog tails or snakes’ tongues and I do not believe that a massage or a certain position are enough to cure a disease.

Yet there are some natural remedies, some physical activities (e.g. Tai-chi) and massages and stimulations that can have a strong impact on our physical and psychological well-being and solve some discomforts.

I’ve always been curious about acupuncture, a method that was unknown to the medical western culture until a few decades ago.

The possibility to have access to our body’s internal parts noninvasively is fascinating. Through the acupuncture points, we can improve our health in many ways.

All these points are situated along the meridians and, although this has always been a much used treatment in the Traditional Chinese Medicine, experiments have only recently shown that there actually is a third “circulation system”. Isn’t that incredible?

The same points can be stimulated through pressure or tapping and these techniques can be very useful as “domestic first aid” for colds, headache or upset stomach too.

When stimulated, some points can give relief in stressful situations. These points are on the head/face and the upper part of the torso.

At the beginning of the 90’s in America, some experiments were made combining therapy with the stimulation of these points and the results led to the elaboration of the EFT principles.

The basic concept of the EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is to free our experiences from an excessive emotional burden, which in the end can be the culprit not only of psychological problems but also of physical discomfort.

As I wrote in the introduction “This makes me feel good!” I like Nick Ortner’s The Tapping Solution.

This technique has many advantages: it can be easily learned, it is very helpful for stress-management and it can help us find clarity in our experiences.

There are many sites and videos where this technique is explained, but if you want you can send me a private message on Facebook / Linda Jett (Stillrocking) and I will be happy to give any further information.

In conclusion, my well-being formula is:

Tai-chi+EFT+Krav Maga.

What’s yours?

Have a nice week!

Dawn or sunset? Part 2

Welcome back!

How was with your 10 minutes in the morning? How do you feel? Did you notice any changes? Maybe morning is not the right moment for you?

Let’s look at this from another point of view.

Ok, morning is not the right moment for you. In this picture you see a beautiful sunset, a moment when everything should slow down and quietly shift into a more relaxed end of the day pace. Yeah, sure…

Come on, sunset women, this is your time!

Set the hour you decide is right for you and let the world know that nobody and nothing can disturb you in these 10 minutes. This is your moment, everything can stop for some minutes. Choose whatever you like to do like I suggested in the previous article. The important thing is that you do something that really makes you appreciate this time in your personal temporal haven, protected from any trouble. You deserve it and you need it.

Sunset is a beautiful moment and you can choose to create a relaxed atmosphere for those around you too, talking quietly, listening to some music. If you have kids, stop asking them if they have done their homework or put clothes together for tomorrow… Let them take care of their own things! If you ask them it means that they can do it without your help. They will learn to deal with the consequences of their own actions.

Be strict in establishing these limits for everyone in order to fully enjoy these 10 minutes.

Maybe you’re asking yourself why I insist so much about this time length.

10 minutes are short enough to allow it to become a habit and long enough to have an impact on your well-being.

When this becomes a habit, you can go deeper and learn some relaxing techniques that I can explain.

I wrote it in the very first article: I want to make a difference and if you follow me, you will be surprised how your way of looking at things will subtly and constantly change.

Until next time!

DAWN OR SUNSET?

Welcome back!
I don’t know if you have noticed the background picture of the homepage. I find it beautiful.
I will not try to convince you that I took this picture, even because, if you are familiar with WordPress themes, you surely know that this is a standard picture.

Yet it seemed that it was there for me and for what I want to share with you.

Do you think this is dawn or sunset?

Either way it is a peaceful image that stirs a feeling of happy expectation in me.
I think it is dawn. You know that moment during summertime when you are already up, with your cup in your hands, enjoying the quiet in your house? That’s when I think it is.

Talking about morning feelings, I would like to introduce today’s subject.

Is there anyone out there who is able to enjoy the quiet at the beginning of the day, without stressing about something from the very early hours of the day? Come on, raise your hands!

Morning is the first moment when women, regardless of their family situation, feel responsible for the whole world’s expectations. It does not matter if we live alone, if we share the house with someone or if we have kids.
In addition, many of us do it trying to live up to all the false ideals we read about in magazines or see on television or Internet.
Perfect make-up, appropriate dress, tidied-up home, breakfast for everybody, well fed and well-dressed kids…

Now I want to ask you a question. Please think about it before giving yourselves an answer. Whose good are you doing all this for?

How many actions do we do, how many words do we speak to please the world around us, never asking ourselves what pleases us, what makes US feel good?

How many smiles do we show, how many cheap shots do we take, how many provocations do we react to without asking ourselves if this is really what we want to do?

This is a vicious cycle, that will not change if we do not interrupt it briskly. Do not ask me how. I don’t give solutions. This is a place for women who want to take charge of their lives, becoming aware of their own strength. No solution is right for everyone.

In the morning you can try to find the peacefulness of this picture. Whether it’s winter or summer, whether you live at the seaside, in the country or in a big city, whether you are alone or not, find 10 minutes just for yourselves. Make clear to everybody, yourselves included, that for 10 minutes you do not exist for anybody else.

This is your time to find inspiration, to become conscious of your value and of all the beautiful things that each human being can bring into the world if only we find the time to nourish this capability.

Find what is right for you to feel good in this moment: a book, a motivational video, breathing exercises, yoga, running, a prayer. No judgement or prejudice.

Do it every morning, do not let anyone or anything distract you. Do not give up and be honest with yourselves. 10 minutes must be 10 minutes. Do not be self-indulgent, get your soul and your will moving.

In a few days you will find yourselves realizing what is the right way for you to start the day and no one around will be able to put up any resistance, because your approach will be something born deep within yourselves and not from some theoretical advice in books or from life gurus.

Come on, this is a wonderful journey! Let’s start it!

LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF

This is a blog for women.
This is a blog for those who want to start a journey to the discovery of women’s dignity. Dignity… sounds like an ancient word that has lost its meaning. Yet it has always been present in my vocabulary, even though the corresponding adjective doesn’t quite match the original word.

What is dignified? A behavior, a dress style, a life style? This sounds more like appropriate, suitable, civilized. For me dignity means consciousness, strength, pride. Yet these words hardly exist in our women’s world.
We are inclined to judge ourselves, to set limits, to fight with other women or with ourselves or even worse, to try to fit into a category.

And what happens if we do not fit anywhere? I guess each one of you has her own answer to this question.

To start this journey let me introduce myself and tell you which category I fit in… no one. As a teenager this hurt a lot, no need to deny it. I looked like a good girl, yet I loved rock and metal music; I loved reading, I was shy, I was bold, a good student, but with a strong attraction for those who were not; I was stuck, I was free…

My mother would look at me puzzled and ask me “Why do you have to be so enigmatic?”.

As I grew up I had no clear ideas about what I really wanted and I thought I would be happy working in an office, where unfortunately the worst kind of chauvinism ruled, so I guessed I had to think like a man to be worthy. I tried getting satisfaction from my career, but I only got heartburn.

I always wanted to have a family and the result was that I was mobbed because of my pregnancies, even though I did not generate an entire football team.
Then I got fired and decided to have a try at being a housewife.
That’s when I discovered the magical mommies’ world.

I had never met so many personalities before, sometimes belonging to the same person! But all of them had something in common, most of the times they felt inadequate. This feeling increased every time we talked together.

After some years, I can tell you something I am sure you already know: we usually feel faulty, especially when we are under pressure, most of the time for a false ideal of perfection. We totally forget the strength, the resourceful core, the power that lie within us, just awaiting to be used.

Each one of us can find her own expression of these forces, but the only way to do it is to be free.

Freedom, feeling free from any judgement, being aware of what is right for us: these are powerful tools that we must learn to use.

My journey is a long one, but I’m going on and I wish I could share what I have experienced so far with you, with women who are willing to listen to my feelings, my thoughts, thus creating your own way of thinking, which is the only one perfect for you, in the moment you’re living, with the resources you have. It doesn’t matter who you are, how old you are, where you live.

I want to make a difference, share my experiences, and help you become stronger. And if I succeed with just one of you, I will have won my bet.

See you soon

Alba o tramonto?

Bentornate!

Non so se avete fatto caso all’immagine che fa da sfondo alla homepage. Io la trovo bellissima. Non voglio certo farvi credere che sia una mia opera, anche perché, se qualcuna di voi ha confidenza con WordPress, si sarà certamente accorta che è un’immagine standard.
Eppure sembrava messa lì apposta per rappresentare esattamente ciò che vorrei esprimervi.

Secondo voi è un’alba o un tramonto?

Comunque sia è un’immagine che suscita in me pace ed un senso di felice aspettativa. Per me è un’alba. Avete presente quando d’estate sorge il sole e siete già sveglie, con la vostra tazza della colazione in mano, godendovi il silenzio della casa? Ecco, per me è quel momento lì.

E parlando di mattine, vorrei introdurre l’argomento di cui vi parlerò oggi.

Chi di voi riesce a godersi normalmente la quiete della mattina, senza caricarsi fin dalle prime ore del giorno di una bella dose di stress, alzi la mano. Bene, come immaginavo.

La mattina è infatti il primo momento in cui noi donne, sia che viviamo sole, sia che condividiamo la casa, sia che abbiamo famiglia, ci facciamo carico delle aspettative del mondo, cercando di ispirarci a tutti i falsi modelli che ci vengono regolarmente propinati.
Il trucco, il vestito, la casa in ordine, la colazione per tutti, i figli perfettamente nutriti e vestiti…
Ora vi faccio una domanda e vorrei che ci pensaste bene prima di darvi una risposta.
A vantaggio di chi fate tutto questo?

Quante azioni compiamo, quante parole diciamo per compiacere il mondo che ci circonda, senza mai chiederci cosa ci fa piacere, cosa fa star bene NOI?
Quanti sorrisi facciamo, quanti colpi bassi incassiamo, a quante provocazioni rispondiamo senza domandarci se è quello che veramente vogliamo fare?

E’ un circolo vizioso che non cambia se non viene interrotto bruscamente. Non domandatemi come. Questa non è la posta del cuore o la rubrica di consigli di un qualsiasi spazio dedicato alle donne. Questo è un luogo di accoglienza per chi decide di prendere davvero la propria vita in mano, acquistando la consapevolezza della propria forza. Nessuna soluzione, nessun sistema è universalmente valido.

La mattina è il momento ideale per trovare anche solo 10 minuti della quiete di questa immagine, inverno o estate che sia, che viviate al mare, in campagna o in città, che siate sole o meno.

Da domani mattina deve essere chiaro per tutti e soprattutto per voi che per 10 minuti non esistete se non per voi stesse. Per cercare l’ispirazione giusta, per prendere coscienza del vostro valore e di tutta la meraviglia che ogni essere umano può portare nel mondo se solo trova il modo di coltivarlo.

Trovate ciò che più vi ispira per sentirvi bene in questo momento tutto vostro: un libro, un video motivazionale, esercizi di respirazione, stretching, yoga, una corsa, una preghiera. Qui non troverete ne’ giudizio ne’ pregiudizio.
Fatelo tutte le mattine, non fatevi distrarre da niente e nessuno, non mollate e siate oneste con voi stesse. 10 minuti devono essere 10 minuti e portate fino in fondo ciò che avete scelto di fare. Smettete di essere auto-indulgenti, incominciate a sgranchire la vostra anima e la vostra volontà.

Dopo qualche giorno vedrete che incomincerete ad avere l’ispirazione riguardo il modo giusto per voi per affrontare la giornata e chi vi circonda non potrà opporre alcuna resistenza, perché sarà un approccio che nascerà dal profondo di voi stesse e non dai consigli teorici di qualche libro o qualche guru di moda.

Forza, è un viaggio bellissimo! Iniziatelo!