BACK TO MYSELF AND SHOWING GUILT OUT

Here I am, back to myself!

It’s been a while since the last time. I visited some friends in the musical world and now it’s time to go on with our journey.

Let’s get straight to today’s topic: guilt.

We all have to deal with it sooner or later. Where does it come from? Education, submission, feeling faulty, doing wrong things, not being able to say sorry, not taking responsibility for our actions.

How many ways of manifesting guilt are there? What is the difference between an imposed guilt and one that arises from our mistakes? When is it useful and when not? When is it fake and hides the trap to put the other person in the position of comforting the “guilty” one?

Let’s have a look at all these different situations!

Imposed guilt as a preventive measure

This is the mother of all guilts. You feel guilty even though you haven’t done anything wrong yet, but you know that if you do, someone will suffer immensely. And guess who it is? Your mummy, of course!!!

“Please don’t be late, it makes me so anxious!”

“Last night you didn’t eat anything, I turned and tossed all night thinking about it… are you all right?”

“You won’t abandon your mummy when you grow up, will you?”

“Now comes the summer, I hope that someone will come to see me, so I have a bit of company, too.”

Does this sound familiar? If adolescence did not help you to rebel properly, remember that it is never too late and that the person who manipulates must be re-educated with many NO’s.

The sense of guilt when we do wrong

Ok, we made a mistake, a little one, a big one, with consequences just for us or for others too. Depending on the character of the person, the risk is that we see this mistake bigger than it really is and that we feel paralyzed. There is nothing wrong with feeling guilty, but if the anxiety does not go away and we see no way out, it is better to seek help immediately.
Too often there is no proportion between the burden we feel and the mistake we made. Guilt gets tangled with other troubles hidden in our subconscious mind and this confuses us even more.

The useful guilt

It is normally about practical things, oversights, distractions. If it happens on several occasions, use guilt to stop at the very moment in which it occurs and find a solution. If you don’t, it will happen again and it will be no use to weep about it.

The needless guilt

In my opinion this is the most devastating and the one you need to rationalize as quick as possible. It happens when we cannot stop thinking about a word we spoke or did not speak to someone who is no longer part of our lives. Bear this in mind, we do not have this omnipotence. Even in the most tragic cases, it is no-one’s fault. If during an argument you insult a person and she/he has an accident, it’s not your fault; if she/he disappears from your life and you don’t see her/him anymore, it is not your fault; if she/he takes revenge, it is not your fault.

The sense of guilt trick

This is used by skilled manipulators in order to obtain the forgiveness of the wronged person and thus get rid of any feelings of guilt.

Let’s take the boyfriend who is late to the appointment and does not warn you. He leaves you waiting and when he arrives he overwhelms you with all his sorrow: “I’m sorry baby, you have no idea what a day I had … I was ready at the right time, you know, but then I met my boss… and I was there thinking of you here waiting all alone… I felt terrible, but I could not tell him to get lost, you know? I felt really guilty and when I got in the car I did not want to waste a second on the phone and I arrived as soon as possible.” How many times will the answer be:” Yes… I understand love. Don’t worry…”?

Or the couple of friends with their son who are all ready and willing to take your child with them: “Come on, we will take your child with us to the park, so they play a little together!” And then they lose him and when they tell you what happened, they describe how scared they were, that once also their child got lost and how troubled they were that they even could not sleep the following night… How many times will the answer be: “All right, come on, all is well that ends well …”? (subtitled “You forget it I’ll ever let my son come with you again!”).

Conclusion

Guilt is terrible and should not affect our life. Here I have addressed this issue in a light way, to play it down, but not to ridicule a feeling that can even make us sick.

If this list has made you smile and you have found helpful suggestions, I’m happy, but if you realize that you are paying too high a price for any mistakes you may have made, do not delay, ask for help.

Until next time!

 

The club of women’s self-consciousness and well-being

For a long time I wanted to find a meeting place for women to discuss and share experiences. In a feminist fit a few years ago, I even baptized it “The club of women’s self-consciousness”. Too bad, I had no place I could put this sign up.

Men are fantastic, male friends useful, but when the right harmony among women happens is a priceless feeling.

Today I spent a wonderful afternoon with a new friend walking in the woods and talking about issues that I am passionate about: relationships with people, how to think freely, how to expand my horizons … do not worry, I did not see any rainbow unicorn.

However this is me, this is the dimension I love to move in. In a few days, I will go back to the city, where I miss these geographical and mental spaces, but that is fine.

I spent many years thinking that “after all everything was fine”, but it was not the same feeling I have now.

There was often that feeling of discomfort in the pit of my stomach … I tried a bit of everything to figure out what it was: check-ups, exercise, reading, relaxing, therapy, but the results were poor or short-term.

When I decided to find solutions where I was not just “the client”, but also an active part, the situation changed.

After three years of courses I got a diploma in Naturopathy, followed by certificates in Kinesiology and Ayurvedic touch. At the same time, I studied traditional Chinese medicine, Mudra, Eft tapping and I experienced all these techniques on myself.

There is so much rubbish in this field, but also many valuable techniques that can really help deal with various issues, to break up false beliefs, to relax, to support ourselves, in other words to be the leading person of our well-being.

Think about it: for example, massages are wonderful (and I get as many as I can too!), but they are an outside source of well-being. If the activation of an improvement process of our psychological and physical state can start from a few small daily actions made by us isn’t it better?

I taught women like us self-massage techniques that became an affirmation of their value and I saw mothers of children labeled as “difficult” emerge from meetings with the teachers with a happy face after only a few weeks of sessions …

No, I will not say that “I’ve seen things you people would not believe”.
Yet I believe that halfway between the doctor and the psychologist, there is a way to feel good.

The next time you happen to feel something, a discomfort, that is not really an illness, but almost, try to listen and give a chance to this approach. If you want, I am here. You can write a private message on the Facebook page of Linda Jett and I will be happy to help.

Take care of yourself; no one else in the world will ever be so close to you!

Well-being: Tai-chi and EFT – part 2

During my acitvity in the field of natural remedies and techniques, I often get in touch with people asking me for magical solutions for any kind of problems.
Unfortunately, many people disguise themselves as healers for every ailment, be it physical or psychological.

I am not one of these. Every time I learn about a new technique, I am very cautious.

I do not eat frog tails or snakes’ tongues and I do not believe that a massage or a certain position are enough to cure a disease.

Yet there are some natural remedies, some physical activities (e.g. Tai-chi) and massages and stimulations that can have a strong impact on our physical and psychological well-being and solve some discomforts.

I’ve always been curious about acupuncture, a method that was unknown to the medical western culture until a few decades ago.

The possibility to have access to our body’s internal parts noninvasively is fascinating. Through the acupuncture points, we can improve our health in many ways.

All these points are situated along the meridians and, although this has always been a much used treatment in the Traditional Chinese Medicine, experiments have only recently shown that there actually is a third “circulation system”. Isn’t that incredible?

The same points can be stimulated through pressure or tapping and these techniques can be very useful as “domestic first aid” for colds, headache or upset stomach too.

When stimulated, some points can give relief in stressful situations. These points are on the head/face and the upper part of the torso.

At the beginning of the 90’s in America, some experiments were made combining therapy with the stimulation of these points and the results led to the elaboration of the EFT principles.

The basic concept of the EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is to free our experiences from an excessive emotional burden, which in the end can be the culprit not only of psychological problems but also of physical discomfort.

As I wrote in the introduction “This makes me feel good!” I like Nick Ortner’s The Tapping Solution.

This technique has many advantages: it can be easily learned, it is very helpful for stress-management and it can help us find clarity in our experiences.

There are many sites and videos where this technique is explained, but if you want you can send me a private message on Facebook / Linda Jett (Stillrocking) and I will be happy to give any further information.

In conclusion, my well-being formula is:

Tai-chi+EFT+Krav Maga.

What’s yours?

Have a nice week!

Well-being: Tai-chi and EFT

I don’t know how many times I started writing the articles on Tai-chi and EFT, how many times I corrected and deleted them.
The result of it is that after more than two weeks from the introduction “This makes me feel good!” I have not published anything on this topic yet.

This resistance of mine puzzled me and I tried to understand why. I came to the conclusion that once again my relentless, inevitable, inexhaustible desire for total freedom of choice took over.

And I believe that freedom of choice is the result of having no bias.

Constant reminders to take care of ourselves through exercise, diets and various techniques surround us and any new suggestion is supported by scientific studies.
The result is often a peak of enthusiasm bound to exhaust itself, leaving us disappointed.

What can I write to create an interest in something that I approached by chance and curiosity, not knowing anything about what was behind it?

It will be useless to list some “scientific” evidence of the effectiveness and value of these disciplines, if there is no curiosity.

Let’s talk about Tai-chi, the so-called long life exercise.

I will not try to define it according to the rules or to explain it through its history. For me Tai-chi equals softness, fluidity, beauty, pleasure to practice with a great instructor and with an interesting group of people who share this passion.

As I proceed with this exercise I also appreciate the precision of the forms and the martial-arts skills that hide behind every move. It gets better every time!

The social aspect of the group exercising together is important for me too! I practiced Pilates for years and I liked it a lot, but it was like being alone due to the lack of warmth and harmony in the group. What a shame!

In this Tai-chi group it is totally different. There is no fanatic, no know-it-all, no one judges anyone.

You know those scenes in the movies, where you see groups of people, maybe all dressed in white, who train in the parks and the sense of harmony they give?
We do not exactly look like that, but I assure you that when we start moving together at the same pace and we create a harmony of movements among us, in the silence of the gym, something magical happens!

What matters in what you choose to do is to find this feeling of joy and satisfaction.

If it just has to be an effort, your muscles will benefit from it, but not your emotions and well-being is a balance of both.

To be continued!

Dawn or sunset? Part 2

Welcome back!

How was with your 10 minutes in the morning? How do you feel? Did you notice any changes? Maybe morning is not the right moment for you?

Let’s look at this from another point of view.

Ok, morning is not the right moment for you. In this picture you see a beautiful sunset, a moment when everything should slow down and quietly shift into a more relaxed end of the day pace. Yeah, sure…

Come on, sunset women, this is your time!

Set the hour you decide is right for you and let the world know that nobody and nothing can disturb you in these 10 minutes. This is your moment, everything can stop for some minutes. Choose whatever you like to do like I suggested in the previous article. The important thing is that you do something that really makes you appreciate this time in your personal temporal haven, protected from any trouble. You deserve it and you need it.

Sunset is a beautiful moment and you can choose to create a relaxed atmosphere for those around you too, talking quietly, listening to some music. If you have kids, stop asking them if they have done their homework or put clothes together for tomorrow… Let them take care of their own things! If you ask them it means that they can do it without your help. They will learn to deal with the consequences of their own actions.

Be strict in establishing these limits for everyone in order to fully enjoy these 10 minutes.

Maybe you’re asking yourself why I insist so much about this time length.

10 minutes are short enough to allow it to become a habit and long enough to have an impact on your well-being.

When this becomes a habit, you can go deeper and learn some relaxing techniques that I can explain.

I wrote it in the very first article: I want to make a difference and if you follow me, you will be surprised how your way of looking at things will subtly and constantly change.

Until next time!

This makes me feel good!

Hello!

Today I would like to introduce the topic of my next articles: well-being.

It would be great to know exactly what we need to be in a state of physical and psychological well-being, but often it is a life-long search, because we are ever-changing beings.

There is a lot of talking about meditation and relaxing techniques and I must confess that I am a big fan of these. Every time I’ve come across this kind of information I have always gone deeper to see if it was something right for me.

In the next articles, I will talk about this topic and how to find the space for these activities and techniques in our everyday life (do you remember the 10 minutes?).

In the last few years, I got very interested in three activities: relaxation through muscles movements, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and Tai-chi.

In the first one, you achieve a very deep state of relaxation through muscles tension and release. It is not a very well-known technique and, even though it is easy to master it, it is better to attend a class.

EFT is widespread and the basic technique is explained very clearly in many videos you can find on YouTube. I personally follow Nick Ortner’s The Tapping Solution.

I also practice TAI CHI.

So in the next articles I will talk about Tai-chi and Eft.

They both have a connection with the Traditional Chinese Medicine. This connection is direct for Tai chi, while Eft has been inspired by it.

One of the basic concepts of the Chinese Medicine is the energy called “Chi” or “Qi” that flows through a net of meridians, the energetic channels.

On these meridians, there are many points that can be stimulated to balance the energy flow. To do this you can use for example acupuncture or pressure.

As for all topics I have written about, I will talk about these, because they are part of my life and make me feel well. Through my words, I try to encourage and inspire you, in this case to find your source of well-being without prejudices.

A martial art and an energetic technique? If they work for me what’s wrong with it?

I give this explanation, because I think that it is not right to give ourselves any kind of limits.

For instance, you know I love reading and I read anything.

At the seaside, I also happen to read gossip magazines and maybe in my bag I have Joyce’s Ulysses. What’s wrong with it? One makes me laugh, the other…well I still don’t know how Ulysses makes me feel, but this is another story… Anyway, they are both entertaining for me.

I hope I have intrigued you!

See you soon!