SEX, BEING 50 AND CULTURAL BIAS

To be honest, I was very doubtful about writing an article on this topic. I already tried a few weeks ago and I did not like the outcome.

Although I consider myself a free thinker who even prides herself on not being influenced by anyone or anything, I must sadly admit that the legacy of centuries of taboos that we carry on our shoulders about sex is always there ready to pop up whenever we talk about it.

How do you talk about sex without talking about your personal experience? And do I really want to do it?

An activity which on paper is healthy, pleasant, natural, with no side effects, has become problematic, the subject of study, the source of neurosis.

We are surrounded by people who complain about it, because they do not do it, because they are too tired, because it is not as they would like it to be, because it lasts too little, because it lasts too long…

If you think about it, it is an inexplicable situation.

I recently read an article about the experience of an American couple who made love every day for a year. It was a normal couple, with a life similar to many of us. Work, home, children, holidays, activities, free time. After the birth of their second child, the woman felt tired, not fit and with little desire to take care of herself, but the few times she indulged in sex with her man she felt better and more beautiful.

Hence the idea, a little as if sex was a cure. The man was very happy with his woman’s proposal and the experiment began. The result: satisfaction, complicity, better self-esteem of both, which had a positive influence even in areas outside the couple, and the ability to deal with large and small problems of everyday life with lightness and ability to manage individual issues.

I can already hear the voices of those who are reading “Here she is, stating the obvious! Everyone knows that sex is good, develops endorphins, burns calories, promotes emotional intimacy of the couple … “and bla-bla-bla-bla with the typical language of women’s magazines. Heh heh, I know that you know, but if you don’t put this information into practice, what’s the good of it?

And here I come exactly to the turning point I was aiming to with this article. Do you know in what other area a lot of other deviant and distorted notions about sex are written?

When people talk about of women, let’s say from 45 years up?

They paint us as frigid hysterical prey to the hormonal storms of menopause or horny grandmas looking for the toy-boy or poor women forced to swallow massive doses of synthetic hormones to keep on being lovable and functional.

And when we experience on our skin some “symptom” (as if the physiological stages of life were a disease) and look for advice on how to feel better, we just find lists of all the troubles and inconveniences or even danger this phase of our lives entails.

And among these also various physical difficulties to have sex. What did you expect? You can’t have children anymore; do you think you can still enjoy sex? So how many women are influenced by these biases? So, the first hot flush turns into the anxiety of not knowing when the second will arrive and this signal will make you think you are getting old, no longer fertile, no longer attractive. More time will be given listening to pains and aches that are no different from those that you had until yesterday. And you begin to say things that sound alternately like this:

“Oh you know at this age …”

“I am 50 years, but I look better than many twentysomethings!”

“Even my mom started at this age with these problems …”

“Even if I start having a certain age, I will not let the years scare me!”

Don’t you see how you tie yourself to an eternal, absurd confrontation with age, this indefinite entity, because each of us is different.

This also affects sex, but your healthy and happy sexual life is not over, have fun and experience the fact that the more you do it the better you live! Fatigue, headaches, worries are just an excuse and you should just admit it to yourself.

Shake off all this cultural bias, sweep away all prejudices related to age and try to love yourself.

Suggest your man to make love every day, if not for a year, for a month, regardless of time, fatigue and commitments.

I bet you’ll be surprised!

DAWN OR SUNSET?

Welcome back!
I don’t know if you have noticed the background picture of the homepage. I find it beautiful.
I will not try to convince you that I took this picture, even because, if you are familiar with WordPress themes, you surely know that this is a standard picture.

Yet it seemed that it was there for me and for what I want to share with you.

Do you think this is dawn or sunset?

Either way it is a peaceful image that stirs a feeling of happy expectation in me.
I think it is dawn. You know that moment during summertime when you are already up, with your cup in your hands, enjoying the quiet in your house? That’s when I think it is.

Talking about morning feelings, I would like to introduce today’s subject.

Is there anyone out there who is able to enjoy the quiet at the beginning of the day, without stressing about something from the very early hours of the day? Come on, raise your hands!

Morning is the first moment when women, regardless of their family situation, feel responsible for the whole world’s expectations. It does not matter if we live alone, if we share the house with someone or if we have kids.
In addition, many of us do it trying to live up to all the false ideals we read about in magazines or see on television or Internet.
Perfect make-up, appropriate dress, tidied-up home, breakfast for everybody, well fed and well-dressed kids…

Now I want to ask you a question. Please think about it before giving yourselves an answer. Whose good are you doing all this for?

How many actions do we do, how many words do we speak to please the world around us, never asking ourselves what pleases us, what makes US feel good?

How many smiles do we show, how many cheap shots do we take, how many provocations do we react to without asking ourselves if this is really what we want to do?

This is a vicious cycle, that will not change if we do not interrupt it briskly. Do not ask me how. I don’t give solutions. This is a place for women who want to take charge of their lives, becoming aware of their own strength. No solution is right for everyone.

In the morning you can try to find the peacefulness of this picture. Whether it’s winter or summer, whether you live at the seaside, in the country or in a big city, whether you are alone or not, find 10 minutes just for yourselves. Make clear to everybody, yourselves included, that for 10 minutes you do not exist for anybody else.

This is your time to find inspiration, to become conscious of your value and of all the beautiful things that each human being can bring into the world if only we find the time to nourish this capability.

Find what is right for you to feel good in this moment: a book, a motivational video, breathing exercises, yoga, running, a prayer. No judgement or prejudice.

Do it every morning, do not let anyone or anything distract you. Do not give up and be honest with yourselves. 10 minutes must be 10 minutes. Do not be self-indulgent, get your soul and your will moving.

In a few days you will find yourselves realizing what is the right way for you to start the day and no one around will be able to put up any resistance, because your approach will be something born deep within yourselves and not from some theoretical advice in books or from life gurus.

Come on, this is a wonderful journey! Let’s start it!